Careful with That Axe, Eugene

Bétera, near Valencia, mid August, years ago. Our friends had taken us to join the crowd in the main street. We didn't quite know why. They weren't explaining and our Spanish wasn't up to asking. When the fireworks, hung from overhead lines, started to go off and shower the crowd with sparks and flame we knew what to do though. We retreated before the wall of fire. The end of the street was sealed, there was nowhere to go; hundreds of us cowered, cheek by jowl, knowing, or at least trusting, that the flames and sparks wouldn't reach us. And sputter out they did. 

The next night we went back to the same place to join in the fiesta. We noticed there were no parked cars and that all the windows were boarded up. As midnight approached our friends herded us back to the car and abandoned the town centre. We didn't know why. We found out though. After midnight gangs of young people wearing overalls and crash helmets, and with at least one fire extinguisher per group, just in case, mount a firefight using Roman candles. In Elche, on the Nit d'Alba, they used to do something similar. First the official firework display but later, much later, the same idea. Firework armed gangs battling it out.

The Day of the Innocents, a reminder of the day when the biblical Herod had all the male babies under two put to the sword to protect his crown from a potential usurper, Spaniards do what we Britons do on April 1st. In Ibi there is a bit of a fight that day. The Ibenses, like the Beterenses and Ilicitanos, use fireworks but first they go to work with flour and eggs. The Spanish word for flour is harina, the word in the local Valencian language is farina. The event is called els (the) Enfarinats (floury ones).There's more to it but, in brief, one group elects a mayor and other officials to run the town and another group takes exception to this coup and stages a counter coup. That's when the flour and eggs fly, the flares go off and the bangers and jumping  jacks bang and jump.

The first time I saw els Enfarinats in 2011 their fight evolved in front of the church in the old part of town. I watched from a safe distance. I thought it was bonkers. The second time, in 2016, I got in much closer at the risk of a camera dusted with flour and garnished with egg. I took a pal there in 2022, a couple of weeks ago. This time the fight wasn't in front of the church because the church square was one big building site. The battlefield had been moved to an ordinary looking street with a PA system blasting out reggaeton as the event got underway. There was a wire fence type enclosure around the battle zone. The clash had two halves, like a Crystal Palace v Brighton and Hove Albion game. For the flour part anyone could get reasonably close but only outside the fence. In the second half, with fireworks, it was Enfarinats and pass holders only. We sat some fifty metres away in tiered seating to watch. It wasn't the nearly participative event I remembered; it was something I viewed as a spectator. I know in Elche that, to take part in the firework battle, you now have to attend a pre-event training course.

People say that health and safety rules are regularly flouted in Spain. It's true and it's not true. Sensible health and safety practices are ignored all the time, everywhere, by people who decide that those ideas are a bit silly, a bit unnecessary or too much faff. Most of us clamber onto a wobbly kitchen chair from time to time to reach the top shelf or sprawl out in the sun without sunscreen but for some people H&S has become so second nature that they'd never go up a ladder without someone at the bottom or fix the wonky toaster by prodding at its insides with a kitchen knife. The smaller, the more domestic, the situation the less likely that safety will be the paramount consideration.

Eleven or twelve years ago I taught some English to the management staff of the Dos Mares Shopping Centre in San Javier. I remember their building officer pacing the room and cursing after a visit from the H&S inspector. "Can you imagine," seethed my pupil, "I've already got two blokes on the cherry picker we use to do maintenance at height on the building. One on the ground holding on to ropes and harnesses that are fastened to the bloke on the platform. Both wearing goggles and hats and gloves and safety boots and this idiot wants a third person in the team. I asked him why - will he be there to catch the falling man if the harnesses and ropes fail? Lunacy". 

I remember someone who worked for the Town Hall in Pinoso sacking a building firm he'd hired in 2007 because the building workers were not using any safety gear whilst they worked on his private house. "I make sure people follow the rules," he said, "how can I possibly have people flouting those same rules when they work on my house?" And yet, in Forcall last year I watched as people ran in and out of a burning bonfire, in Vilanova d'Alcolea for Sant Antoni they have horses running through fire and locally I've run in amongst people dressed as devils as they unleashed fireworks left right and centre. 

Now I understand a bit better how things Spanish work I've often wondered about going back to Betera to run away from those fireworks again but I've had trouble finding the details. Maybe it's because what we did then won't fit behind a fence and so it's just not acceptable anymore.

The Knowledge

The fiestas in Pinoso are just about to kick off. As a fully accredited member of the I don't approve of taunting animals and I've just had my hernia fixed besides which my knee is playing up, club, it's a bit unlikely that I'll be taking full advantage of the real partying that the fiestas have to offer. I will wander the stalls, I will eat out, I will see a band or two, I will look at the fair, I'll grin at the ofrenda and laugh at the whacky racers but I'm not going to be there for the incredibly loud music at five in the morning nor will I be running around after the bullocks and it's for sure that nobody is going to be invite me to join their peña to drink cheap alcohol or abuse other substances beside some parked car pumping out music when all sane folk have taken their contact lenses out for the night. Even if I join my age peers to see the equally compromised one (or two) hit wonder from the 1970s I won't know the songs. It won't stop me having a decent time though. 

The phone shows it as a Barcelona number. I very rarely answer those, or the Madrid ones. I don't want a burglar alarm, or solar panels. I'm happy with our electricity provider. But it's the third time today - I crumble under the persistence. I'll do my version of a Woolwich accent. That usually scares them away though it makes Maggie wonder if I'm having a stroke. It turns out to be an Amazon delivery driver. The address they have for a delivery, Maggie's office, doesn't open on Saturday. I realise the driver is having trouble with my Spanish because he isn't. When I see him he looks Dutch or something but he doesn't speak English either - Ukrainian maybe?

On the phone he tells me where he is. I'll be there in five minutes I say. I'm being optimistic, even with a following wind eight might have been closer to the truth, but I'd forgotten the fiesta. Pinoso closes half of its roads at fiesta time. There are four main routes out, or, I suppose, in to Pinoso. None of them is actually closed but three of the four are compromised. It's not a problem for we locals. We can usually find a way around. Sometimes it's simply not possible and close is the best you can do. It's amazing the streets you know after living in a place for 17 years. Dodging around a blocked street, feeling cocky, feeling knowledgeable, Edgeware Road to Astrop Terrace in Shay Boo please cabby, there is a builders merchant's lorry unloading bricks on my route. I don't like going against one way systems but there is no alternative.

I dodge in and out of side streets and park alongside the Amazon van. It must be making your life a nightmare I say to the driver. He knows the Spanish for nightmare.

Dancing in the streets

I saw something about the fiestas in Cañadas de Don Ciro this last weekend. Now Don Ciro really is no more than a wide spot on a very rural road but they have fiestas. It reminded me that I hadn't written anything about our own local fiesta which was a couple of weekends ago now. 

The Culebrón fiesta is one of a series for the outlying villages which are part the Pinoso municipality. The first village fiesta takes place in late Spring and they go on through the Summer with the villages taking it in turns to have a weekend of festivities. The fiestas are not usually particularly exciting or expansive but they are deeply ingrained in local culture and they offer the villagers a break from the routine with a chance to have a bit of a natter with friends, family and neighbours against the backdrop of some planned activities.

There are usually two key themes. One is religious. Nearly all the fiestas are tied in to the patron saint for the village. The saintly effigies usually get an outing. Sometimes the saints stay away from home for days and sometimes they just get a quick tour of the village. There are as many variations as saints.

The other theme is eating, well eating and drinking. Most of the Pinoso villages have a sit down evening meal. Occasionally the meals are classy with ceramic plates and decent cutlery but usually it's plastic plates and glasses with mass catered food. The quality of the meal is importantish, it's always a topic of conversation afterward, but really it's the sitting and chatting and drinking and laughing that matters.

The dinners used to be followed by showband type bands, orquestras playing paso dobles and jotas. As budgets shrank, in the smaller villages, so did the number of musicians and nowadays it's often a playlist and a laptop. Mind you people have been complaining that the Motomami tour by Rosalía doesn't have any live musicians either!

The activities to go with the feasting, drinking, dancing and religious observance can be legion. Traditional games are very usual. In this area something, a bit like horseshoes, called tanganilla or caliche, is common, a cooking competition (traditionally for men) making gachamiga (a sort of garlic pancake) is standard issue too, maybe a communal picnic, vermouth sessions, foam machines, water slides or bouncy castles for the kids, cake and a drink type sessions - chocolate with churros, horchata with fartons, sometimes basketball or football competitions or even summer cinema. I've seen things as mundane as domino competitions and face painting and as innovatively simple as beer tasting sessions. It all depends a bit on your budget and it all depends a bit on what is considered acceptable in your neck of the woods. 

The activities are a bit academic. Village fiestas are not really about activities. They are about nattering to your neighbour, having a beer or a wine and remembering old so and so alongside the opportunity for a bit of partying.

One of the key figures in organising the village fiestas in the Pinoso area are the pedáneas or pedáneos. Britons tend to describe these people as village mayors or mayoresses but they are more actually the interface between villagers and the local administration. They also represent the village in any number of local functions. So if the street lamp outside your house fails or if you feel the bins are not being emptied properly the idea is that you moan to the representative and they pass on your moans to the town hall. Our village rep is Belgian. She's hard working and organised. She, and her family, seemed to have done most of the work to organise the fiesta. The one area where there were probably other willing helpers was with the organisation of the religious part of the proceedings. 

The programme was similar, but different, to the pre Covid years. On the Friday evening there was a vermouth session - a few litres of vermouth, nuts, crisps, olive and mixers and space to chat. On Saturday there was a market for second hand stuff and for craft stalls and the like. There was nothing for the Saturday afternoon. The evening meal on Saturday evening was organised into tables for friends and family groups rather than the more usual long table free for all. There was nothing on Sunday apart from the all important evening mass and procession followed by the "Wine of Honour" which is a  sort of end of event stand up buffet. 

Looking in, as someone who knows nothing about how things were organised and as someone who is not particularly integrated into the village, it felt as if the fiesta had a different emphasis to past years. It had a more businesslike feel. The timetable was more precise and none of the smaller elements were there - no competitions, no kids games. In fact, mass and procession apart it could have been almost anywhere sunny in Europe. The evening meal for instance was absolutely Spanish but the menu didn't feature anything that might be alien to a Dutch or Scottish diner. Anyone who saw the advertising and wished to could have a stall at the market or a place at the dinner table. That meant there were far more people involved than usual but not, necessarily, villagers. The religious ceremony maintained its village base with almost nobody, except the invited dignitaries and musicians, not having ties to the village.

It was nice to have the fiesta back. 

The Fallas

I'm late with this. I also wrote it much more quickly than I normally write my blogs so apologies for any failings of style. If you want to go to the Fallas they finish tonight so, if you're interested, you'll probably have to wait till next year. Put it in your diary now, March 19th, that's the date for the burning. There are things to see during the week leading up to the 19th, particularly after the 15th. Towns, like Denia and Xàtiva, have Fallas too but the big one is in Valencia. Oh, and Elda has Fallas in September.

This is not a Wikipedia article and I haven't done anything other than the most basic check of my facts. It's just what I know, or think I know, so it's quite likely that there will be factual errors. But it's enough to get the idea. Honest. There will probably also be inconsistencies in spelling because I speak English but sometimes I will have used the Valenciano expression and sometimes I'll have used the Castilian translation.

The basic idea is easy enough. Most of the districts in the city of Valencia, think Pimlico, Mayfair and Kensington, set up a Commission which then organises the details for an event that is called Fallas. They co-ordinate the things in their neighbourhood and decide how to arrange contributions towards the city wide events. Each Commission also selects a young woman and a girl sized woman to be their senior and junior "Carnival Queens", the Falleras. One young woman gets to be the city wide embodiment of the Fallas, the Fallera Mayor. 

One of the principal activities of each Commission is to raise enough money to build a Falla, a monument. The money comes from local fund raising and sponsorship. Apparently the only monument that involves any public money is the one built in front of the Town Hall. Some of the monuments are modest and some are huge. They are made of wood, papier maché, polystyrene and glass fibre. Each Falla has a theme - usually some satirical comment on a current affairs story but it can be almost anything from a Royal affair to the argy bargy around a TV competition. The individual figures are called ninots and I think that before the Falla is put together the ninots are often paraded around the local streets. The individual Fallas monuments start to be put up a week or so before the big day, the 19th, when all but one of the ninots and Fallas are burned. Each Commission puts up a smaller, children's Falla, as well as the principal one. The last day on which the monuments have to be up and finished is by the day of the Plantà, usually the 15th of March. The actual burning takes place around midnight on the 19th, going on 20th, but it depends a bit on the availability of fire crews to make sure that the bonfire doesn't get out of control. Lots of the monuments are surrounded by impressive displays of lights. Visitors may not notice but the locals are often as interested in the lighting around the Falla as they are about the impressiveness of the monument itself.

The Fallas are based on the celebration of Saint Joseph, so there are any number of masses and religious events during Fallas but, for your average non believer, the days during the celebrations start with some unrepentant bands wandering around making a lot of noise from 8am each morning. The Fallas wouldn't be the Fallas without fireworks so expect lots of loud explosions too from the same time.

Each day, at 2pm, the Mascletà is set off. The Fallera Mayor gives the order from the Town Hall balcony. Various firework companies get the job of designing a soundscape in fireworks. There is hardly anything fired into the air, just batteries of fireworks that go bang, bang, bang, bang a bang. Lots of the bangers are hung from washing line type supports. This year I noticed on the telly that one of the mascletas featured blue and yellow, Ukrainian coloured, smoke. The crescendo usually produces a rolling, rumbling thunder which is easy to appreciate. I've heard a mascletà booming out beside a rock band - each one alternately taking up the melody. Once upon a time it was easy enough to get quite close to the bangers in Valencia but nowadays they are set off in a cage type structure and the crowd is kept well back. I think all of the local Commissions have their own mascletá at some time. I remember one time, years ago, staying with friends and going to check that my hire car was OK. I found that it was the only car left on the street and that it was now parked under lots of mascletá type bangers. I had to drive down steps to extract it because they'd built a Falla on my obvious escape route!

There is also a huge firework display each night at midnight in the river bed. It's an hour later when the flower offering, the Ofrenda is on. 

You may have noticed this fire, fireworks, burning sort of theme. On the evening of the burning, the Crema, there is the Cavalcada del Foc. I'm sure that you've seen one of the local Corre Foc, running with fire, events where people dress up as devils and run around the streets exploding fireworks all over the place. This is much wilder. The picture alongside is from Petrer.

Away from fire and explosions one of the events I like is where all of the Commissions make their flower offering to the Virgen de los Desamparados. She's actually a big wooden frame that's set up in the square by the side of the Cathedral and all of the Commissions arrange for lots of their people to parade to the square with offerings of flowers. The people parade into the square for three or four hours on two separate days! Somebody makes a design each year for the cape that the Virgin wears so each of the Commissions is asked to bring this or that colour flower to make up the final design. Each Commission, usually led by their Fallera, troops into the square almost certainly with their band playing the tune Valencia. The clothes they wear are spectacular, the men less so than the women, but even the men look pretty dapper. The women's frocks can, apparently, cost as much as 20,000€ but I understand that most cost a couple of thou. Given that there are 392 Commissions in the 2022 Fallas and just short of 100,000 registered participants the clothes themselves must be quite an industry.

As you might imagine there is a fair bit of revelry associated with the Fallas. Each Commission will arrange street parties which are called verbenas. There are set rules about when and how but I think there are three nights, starting at 10 and going on till 4am, when there are dances in the street with musicians and DJs. When they're not allowed to have the street celebrations they put the music inside the big tents that each of the Commissions sets up. If you're in Valencia during Fallas don't expect to get a lot of sleep.

What else? If you do go buy yourself some of the buñuelos, the doughnut type things that are actually made from pumpkin. A bit of a variation on the churros and porros theme. And, if you feel like it, buy some of the little bangers, the petardos, so you can hold your own in the firework throwing stakes.

Quite a few snaps somewhere in this album of March 2022 photos.

Getting out and about

I always say that it's a part of my cultural education to get out and about in Spain a bit. Getting out and about has several levels. If you consider that our house is a little island of Britishness then going to a bar and getting a coffee is a journey to Spain. It doesn't really matter whether the out and aboutness is big or small. Memorable things happen on the doorstep just as much as hundreds of kilometres away though, obviously, the reverse is also true!

Out and about can be villages and towns and cities and parks and castles and museums and hills and churches and, even if they fail you, your luck may be better in a restaurant with something that you've never heard of on the menu.

Out and about can be fiestas. Most countries have theatres, cinemas, museums, concerts, coastline, woodland, prehistoric sites and so on and most places have fiestas too. The Tar barl festival in Allendale in Northumberland, the one with the burning tar barrels on the head, is as barmy as anything you'll get in Spain. The big difference seems to be that Spain has these street based fiestas, often with an enormous back story, everywhere and all year round. When Coronavirus becomes just another of those viruses that we live with I'll be trying to persuade Maggie that we should go to see the Cascamorros in Baza and Guadix or the Noche en Vela in Aledo. Who knows we might even get up to Noche de las Animas in Soria or over to Manganeses de la Polvorosa in Zamora now that they've given up on tossing the goat from the church tower. Or maybe that one where they carry people around in coffins, oh, and the one where blokes dressed in rag clothing are pelted with turnips and there are so many with bonfires and demons that I could be kept happy for years. Or maybe just the Moors and Christians in Oliva or Ibi or Petrer will do for now.

One of the problems with digging out places to visit and things to do is that it's not easy to find out about them. Every time we go to Murcia city there seems to be something happening outside the cathedral that I knew nothing about. I wonder why. Much as I dislike it I spend a lot of time grinding through webpage after webpage trying to piece together fragments of information like a second rate Hercule Poirot. 

A good example of making an event as difficult as possible are the heats which will decide Spain's entry in this year's Eurovision Song Contest. If I manage to finish this blog today the first semi-final is this evening. Eurovision is quite a big thing here in Spain. It gets a fair bit of publicity because Spain is one of the "Big 5" - the permanent members of Eurovision along with France, Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom which means that the Spanish song gets into the final whatever its quality. Having made the investment the state broadcaster does its best to promote the event. Over the past few years Spain's showing in the competition has been abysmal. This year the TV company decided to make more of the process for choosing the song and to try harder to get decent representation. Entering a song was opened up to almost anyone who wanted to give it a crack. From all those entries an expert panel chose fourteen songs to go on to the next stage. There would be two semi final rounds and then a final to choose the Spanish entry. The rounds and the final would be live with an audience. The town they chose for the concerts was Benidorm. 

Now, as Benidorm is only just up the road, I thought we should go and have a look. I don't really care for Eurovision but an event is an event and with this new format I even knew a few of the bands or singers. The spread of styles is pretty impressive. At the last minute one of the acts pulled out because the Eurovision rules don't allow the use of Autotune, and as her song hinged around the robotic voice (a la Cher in Believe), that put paid to her chances. So, from the first moment that Benidorm Fest was mooted I started to look out for tickets. It's a long and tedious story about Covid restrictions and how the tickets were and were not made available. In the end the organisers distributed 500 tickets through a couple of organisations of EuroFans with another bundle handed out on a sort of "old boy" scheme amongst official organisations. No tickets for plebs like us. Maybe we will and maybe we won't watch it on the telly. I'm rooting for Rigoberta Bandini (in the photo), we saw her in Cartagena over the summer but the hot favourite is a song called Terra, a folky type song sung in Galician, by Tanxugueiras.

I think there's another sort of out and aboutness, though Maggie tells me that these are only events in my own distorted imagination. Have you eaten toñas? They look like rounded loaves. Their taste is basically of a sweetened bread. They're pretty typical around here. You'll often get them, served with hot chocolate, at the end of a performance of the local Pinoso group Monte de la Sal. There's a variant to the toña, more usual at Easter time, called a mona. The only difference, as far as I know, is that a mona has a hard boiled egg baked into the crown of the bun. As I did my weekly hunt for events I saw a post from Monóvar town Council reminding people that the toña season was upon us. The post, half denied to me because it was in Valenciano, talked about some tradition of eating monas every Thursday between now and Easter - apparently you need to dance and or sing at the same time. I seem to remember that someone from here in the village told me that in the "olden days," around Pinoso, in the three days after Easter week, people would sally out into the countryside armed with the toñas to do some serious picnicking. 

If you're wondering what this has to do with events you have to do a bit of lateral thinking. Because I've not lived here all my life these things are not just a part of my DNA. If these were British we'd be talking Easter egg hunts, addressing the haggis, getting a pint in the beer tent at the village fete or just setting out some laverbread for the visitors. Keeping a tradition alive. It seems to me that turning up in some field in Yecla at some ungodly hour to watch blokes cook gachamigas (those doughy pancakes made with just water, oil, salt and garlic) or walking alongside the romería, taking the Virgin of the Assumption out to Caballusa from Pinoso, complete with free coca in Casas de Pastor (no, different stuff!!) along the way, is much the same. When we lived over in Salamanca we ate hornazo, a sort of chunky meaty pie. The pie got a big boost in sales on the second Monday after Easter. At some time in the past that was the Monday when the Church let the prostitutes back across the River Agueda into the city after their banishment during Lent. The pie was to celebrate. 

There's a shop in Benidorm that sells hornazo. That's the Benidorm where we won't be going for the Eurovision heats but where a Vicars and Tarts party might seem absolutely appropriate.

Dancing the night away

We've just had a bit of a debate about where we were going to go this evening. The wine harvest fiesta in Jumilla is in full swing and tonight they have a Queen tribute band. Down in La Romana there's a Moors and Christians parade with music and bull running later. Chinorlet, the nearest village to Culebrón, is also partying for the weekend. Tonight they have a children's parade and then a band. In fact, within 45 minutes maximum travelling time we could go to Elche, Aspe, Cañada del Trigo or Fortuna instead. Oh, I nearly forgot and one of the outlying villages of Pinoso, Paredón, is at it too. In fact August 15th, a bank holiday for the Assumption of Mary, is the day when there are more fiestas in Spain than on any other day, the official count is more than 1,000.

Jumilla is probably our first choice but the tribute band are not due on till half past eleven which means a start nearer midnight in reality. My guess is we wouldn't be home till maybe 2.30 and we're a bit old to miss out on our nightly Horlicks. Maybe we should go to the less exciting La Romana and pop in to see the live band in Chinorlet at eleven? Given the inevitable late starts we'd still be home by around one which would leave time for a soothing hot beverage before bed.

The fiesta programmes reminded me of the importance of music in these events and of one sort of music in particular. The band on in Chinorlet (Permanent population 192) is called Kalima, last night in Caballusa (where just four families live all year round) there was a singer called Leandro. At the recent Pinoso fiestas (the official population of Pinoso is only just over 7,600) there were several bands. We did go to see the top twenty band Dvicio but we missed most of the rest including Trio Amanacer, Me and the Reptiles, Grupo Zafiro and Orquesta Athenas. We could make amends for missing Athenas by seeing them in La Romana tomorrow. La Romana has another orquesta, Orquesta Shakara the day after.

Spain, obviously enough, has every sort of musical grouping you can imagine. There are individual musicians doing the rounds, there are groups that do rock or pop or indie or grime, there are brass bands, string quartets, opera singers backed by pianists and flautists, there are folk groups, bagpipe bands, symphony orchestras, Colombian Cumbia groups, Mexican Mariachis and lots of Brazilian Samba bands to name but a fraction of the styles. There is, though, a species of band that exists predominantly to do fiestas and verbenas (verbena is a loose term but it usually means a bar, food, dance and music area which constitutes part of a larger, city wide fiesta) and that's the orquesta. Guess the English translation.

The orchestras have a simple enough mission - they have to ensure that everyone from the smallest child, to the least nimble grandma and even the sulky teenagers get up and dance. They fulfil their mission with a mixture of timeless classics and this summer's hits. It's a while since I've seen one to be honest but they have a style which is sort of trashy and glamorous at the same time. The men often have a bit of a belly whilst the women wear tight clothes with sequins and short skirts or shorts. Obviously that's a massive over-generalisation - some of the men are bald and wear sequins too! The repertoire is international though Spanish hits predominate even if they were originally sung by foreigners like Shakira or Luis Fonsi. I've just read four different lists of "indispensable" songs for orquestas and, apart from the incredibly successful and timeless Paso Doble tune Paquito El Chocolatero there wasn't a single song that was present in every list. That doesn't mean that all the lists weren't very similar with the same styles and names turning up again and again. A very danceable style called reggaeton was definitely over represented and Rosalía, the fusion flamenco/pop artist seemed big this year too.

Anyway, whilst I've been typing we've decided and it's nearly time to go. Jumilla it is and Queen  - so songs that we'll know. No Soldadito Marinero, Princesas, No rompas más, Cannabis or A quién le importa to add to my cultural education this evening then.