Life in Culebrón

Television is no longer the shared experience it once was. Streaming services have fragmented our viewing habits, and we no longer all gather around the same handful of channels. Social networks and online platforms claim our attention. Yet national television channels — the BBC and Channel 4 in the UK, or RTVE and Telecinco in Spain — still hold a unique place in shaping a nation’s culture. TV may no longer sit at the cutting edge, but whenever a politician, athlete or online star breaks into the public consciousness, they still end up on the box. Even today it provides common reference points for fashion, language and social norms. In short, it helps define the world we live in. Yet after more than two decades in Spain, I find I have never really connected with Spanish television. It is not simply a matter of language or cultural barriers. It comes down to the nature of the programmes themselves, and the bizarre logic of how they are scheduled. British television has always had a sub...

We inherited a telly the other day. Excellent, 4K, big screen, all that sort of stuff. Suddenly I realised we were still children of the 20th century. It was like the last time I bought a laptop and the one-terabyte disc had gone. Obviously, being in Spain, we watch Spanish telly. Except, no, we don't—mainly because most of what's on offer is truly terrible. I think they called it 'Zoo Radio' for a while: that format where an individual DJ playing individual tunes gave way to a group of people talking about how their mum pickled eggs, with the occasional song thrown in. Spaniards aren't big followers of the ping-pong conversational style of us Brits at the best of times; they prefer overlapping conversations, but with a group it just turns into a verbal brawl. And that's the very fuel of Spanish telly. So I don't watch a lot. I try the occasional series, or maybe a programme here or there that looks OK, but basically I watch the news in Spanish and that'...

I occasionally see British TV and it is full of people who don't have "Anglo" names. Presumably their families went to the UK from all around the world. They are just there - no fuss, nothing different - getting on with their jobs as reporters, soap actors, presenters and the like. It's so normal, so routine that it's completely unexceptional. Back home in Pinoso I was reading through the list of entrants and prizewinners in a competition to design a poster for some event a while ago. I was half looking for a British name. The last time I saw any information there were 42 nationalities represented in Pinoso yet, amongst the names of the entrants there was not a single one that didn't have a double barrelled Spanish surname. I may be wrong but I've never noticed anyone in the Carnival Queen competition who isn't Spanish either and whilst I have seen the odd Brit amongst the dance troupes and choirs I haven't noticed Algerians or Senegalese doing...