Access denied

I picked up four pieces of post from our PO box in the Post Office today. This is quite unusual. Often there is nothing. Two of the envelopes were from departments of the Spanish Government. One was my European Health Card from the Social Security people. I applied for this, online, last week. I did it as I brushed my teeth getting ready for bed. It took moments, it was easy. The card's only valid for six months but, next time, as a pensioner, it'll be for longer. No problem anyway. I brush my teeth every night.

The other was from the Catastro, the Land Registry. It was an answer to my appeal of February 2017 when they said we owned half of next door and charged us much more IBI, the local housing tax, than we should have paid. A lightning 25 months to respond then. In that time I've sent several emails, been to their Alicante office (where I metaphorically banged on the table) and reported them to the Ombudsman. That's probably why they answered so quickly.

Instead of sending me the notification by post the letter inside the envelope told me how to get to that notification online. To get to the notification I had to "sign" a receipt but, being the 21st century, they wanted a virtual signature. No problem; I have a digital certificate, an electronic signature, on the computer. Up to now that has always been sufficient when dealing with Government Departments. But not today. It took me over three hours to eventually get to the notification. Their systems only worked with Microsoft Edge or Google Chrome after several modifications and not at all with Mozilla Firefox. There were links to pages and pages of supporting documentation about how to access the notification along with helpful hints on how to get around potential hiccoughs. I tried downloading the older versions of Microsoft Internet Explorer mentioned in that supporting documentation but Windows 10 didn't like them. There were three potential programs to "sign" the receipt. Neither Chrome nor Edge wanted to talk to Java and the Government software, AutoFirma, something like SelfSign stalled in downloading at 99% time after time and the dodgy downloads wouldn't delete. I had to disable pop up blockers (the on/off on Edge wasn't where all the answers in Google said they should be) and I had to dismantle all sorts of other safeguards like firewalls and non acceptance of cookies. I got there in the end, because what I lack in skill I make up for in doggedness, but it was a hell of a job.

To be honest it was so outrageous that I didn't get particularly cross. I was doing that cursing and laughing out loud thing. I remembered the strikes of workers within the justice system asking for computer systems that worked and the piles of paper that you can see behind the judges in the current Catalan trials. Obviously the roll out of technological solutions varies from one department to another. I wonder if Catastro still has ink wells on its desks?

The good news is that they seem to have put everything right in their records. They've even regularised a bit of land that we didn't know wasn't registered. Now all I have to do is to hope that they give us some money back!

Bucolicisms

When we first got to Spain we had a dial up Internet connection. By the time we got to Culebrón we had Internet that came down the power cables; 1mb as I remember. I have no idea why but Iberdrola, the electricity retailer, dropped that service and left us in the lurch. At the time there was only one other reliable option, the old state telecoms company now branded as Movistar. They gave us 1mb too. Over the years, that increased to 3mb but that was as fast as they could go with the infrastructure they have.

Meanwhile a local company, Conecta3, had been cabling up Pinoso. After a while, they offered a service to the outlying villages too. The speed was better, 8mb, and their all in package for land line, Internet and mobile, was less than I was paying Movistar. I hesitated for a while because of the potential problems of switching but, in the end, it all went smoothly.

The firm has been good. They increased the speed out here in the sticks to 12mb  without increasing the price (I just checked a moment ago, it's running at 11.52 for download and 1.19mb for upload) and in town they are running at a very creditable 300mb. They also set up hotspots all over Pinoso so I can connect my mobile to Wi-Fi for free. The only time that we have had a real problem they had an engineer here within ten minutes. It turned out that the cat had pulled out some plug in the skein of cables where phones, Hi-Fi and lamps cohabit.

There's a Facebook page called something like Pinoso buying, selling and helping. Somebody asked, on that page, if anyone was having trouble with Conecta3 and I mentioned that the Internet service dropped out every now and then and that I needed to reconnect - a bit of a nuisance but not really a problem - I said.

A couple of hours later I got a private Facebook message from the boss at Conecta3, a chap that we know. He mildly chided me for not having reported the problem. He said that we'd missed out on an update to our antenna for some reason and that he hoped the oversight had now been remedied.

Living in a small place certainly has its advantages at times.

Support for corvidae

The music festival season is just beginning to warm up in Spain. We usually try to get along to at least one event. It's good to hear a band that goes on to greater things - "Calvin? great musician! First time I saw him he was on the tiny fourth stage just by the latrines at half past six in the evening" It's good to hear new bands in general and I always look forward to those vegetable noodles they serve in the overpriced food areas too.

So I was reading an article, in Spanish, from a national newspaper. It was suggesting ways to keep the costs of festival going to a bare minimum. It suggested coachsurfing (sic). Fortunately for me coachsurfing was hyperlinked and when I followed the link there was a little piece about couchsurfing (sic). Taken along with the rest of the article about how nice someone had been to some tourists I decided that it was about an internet method of finding a floor to kip on. Someone who would put you up on their couch for a fraction of the price of the cheapest hostel. I have no idea whether couchsurfing is in use in the UK but there is a fair chance that it is - it's just new to me. I may know what wotless and glamping mean but it's imppossible to keep up with all the linguistic changes from a couple of thousand kilometres away.

Back in our living room I was watching some late night current affairs programme. The subtitles were on. They repeatededly mentioned crowfunding (sic) which is a fair phonetic interpretation of the word the people were using during the debate. I guessed straight away that it was not some crow support charity but a mispronunciation of crowd funding. Similar things happen all the time. I'm never quite sure whether the word is basically an Englishism given a Spanish twist - like WhatsApp becoming wassap or whether some Spanish person has decided that an English word or phrase will do the job better than a Spanish word and invented something that only exists here. Not to stray too far a really simple example of the latter would be the word parking, which is a well established and widely used Spanish word, that translates as car park or parking lot.

English words crop up in the middle of educated Spanish speech all the time. Today, in maybe an hour or so of radio listening, I noticed base camp, hotspot and peacekeeper. Often the words are pronounced to Spanish pronunciation rules so that they become unintelligible to my Brit ear. It's quite strange to maybe hear a new phrase or word on the radio or TV only to realise, when I see it written down, that it is some perfectly simple English word. Change the stress, as my students do, on ear to make it sound like a West Country exclamation and you'll appreciate how easily and quickly it can happen.

At least I've worked out a strategy for one thing that used to flummox me all the time. I get to the cinema and the title is in English. I often tried, unsuccessfully, to guess the Spanish pronunciation. Now I just say the title in English and follow it up with a Spanish phrase which says "I hate it when the titles are in English." We all have a bit of a laugh and the success rate on trouble free ticket buying has skyrocketed.

Like the dentist's

Maggie wants a mobile phone. Well, actually, she's got a phone but she needs a Spanish SIM card and a contract to make her phone work. It's taken a little while for her to get around to it but this morning she sat at her half functioning computer (the connection is completely unreliable at the moment) and set up a contract to Pepephone, one of the newer and cheaper mobile phone setups in Spain.

Just one problem. The card has to be delivered by carrier and signed for. As we are in and out all the time and then Maggie is off to the UK for a couple of weeks opportunities for delivering or receiving the SIM card are very limited.

Pepephone uses a travel agency as a shop for its services. It just happens that we're in Cartagena for a concert so we thought we could ask if there was the possibility of collecting a SIM card directly.

We have now been waiting for over an hour, we're still waiting. It's nobody's fault the people are doing their jobs but it is a very, very long winded process.

Miracles go hand in hand

So we were reconnected. We were back in touch but the speed was running at less than 1mb. Slow. Youtube videos stalling, 10 minutes to download the Archers podcast (I know, I know but some people can't let go of pork pies) and longer to upload snaps to Picassa.

The thing is we were on the Internet here before and we had 3mb. When the engineers put in the line they were optimistic about the speed we may be able to achieve. So I phoned Telefonica. The line to customer services was as crackly as that cowboy who wore a brown paper waistcoat, brown paper shirt and brown paper trousers - the one who was arrested for rustling. Nonetheless the South American customer services person didn't give up on me. "Can we have something faster?" I asked. "You can have 3mb" she finally answered after a very creditable 14 minutes on the phone. "It will take about 8 days" she said and we left each other as firm friends.

We have 3mb today. Incredible really. We asked for 6mb, we were offered 1mb which we took (no option) but all the time there was an option of 3mb. Splendid service.

A miracle

"Hello, this is Telefonica, we're down by the bar in Culebrón, can you come and fetch us?"

So finally, after nearly seven weeks of waiting we have the phone and Internet back.

We had all the cables and what not still in place so we'd expected nothing more than someone tapping something into a computer at the exchange but the engineers spent ages up and down ladders on some nearby properties and then had to restring a cable from the telegraph pole. But who cares? We're back in touch.

Telefonica - episode 84

"But you don't have a proper address," "What?" "You don't have a proper address so we've cancelled your order!"

That was the drift of a conversation with the phone company when I checked again today why we are still without either phone or Internet. So I made another order.

Five minutes ago the local phone engineer rang my mobile - "About this phone to install in Calle Garcia," "We're not in Calle Garcia, we're in Culebrón, number 5, near the goats" "Then you can't have what you've ordered, you can't have 6Mgb in Culebrón, you can only have 1Mgb" "Fine, that'll do." A voice cut into the conversation, presumably from Telefonica Central, "OK, we can modify the order."OK, bye." And the line went dead.

Is there a Telefonica van headed our way, will we still get the special offer price.

Some things

I spoke too soon about Telefonica. We've ordered a new phone line and Internet. The engineer phoned the day after the order and I wrote my defence of Telefonica over on Life In Ciudad Rodrigo. The engineer phoned again the day of our journey over here from Salamanca. I had to put him off of course and I rather lost the drift of the conversation but he seemed a bit concerned that we were in a village rather than, as he he had presumed, in the town. He hasn't phoned since we've been back and all we can get from Telefonica's customer services is that, in line with the contract, they will provide the line within 30 days. Cutting edge technology then?

Maggie needs a medical certificate for work. We bought the form from a tobacconist. All she needed was a doctor to fill it in. She rang for an appointment but, because she signed on to the Castilla y Leon health care system she had to go into Pinoso to sign back on to the Valencia system. Luckily it was Thursday. It's only possible to register with a doctor on Tuesday and Thursday between 12 and 2.

Our architect rang to say he had the certificate that we need to take to the Town hall to sign off the work on our roof. His stamp, guarantee of the such and such college of architects, proves that it's not a gash job done by Bob the Builder - he, he.

I popped into the Technical office at the Town Hall to hand over the form so their people could sign off the work. There's only one bloke I can deal with (Luckily I helped this man to buy a motorbike exhaust from the USA.) Unfortunately he wasn't there. In fact when I think about it he's never there. In turning up at the office around twenty times in the course of this roof repair he's been there maybe five times. To give him his due I do usually go at breakfast time - anytime between 9.45 and 12.15 - and he does have a notice by his desk to say he only deals with walk in punters on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The appointment I have with him is for the 20th July. Poor dear, obviously rushed off his feet.

Roberto wasn't in the Culebrón Bodega when Maggie dropped in for a wine transfusion. Antonio, the normally taciturn brother, was remarkably talkative. He showed us the new insulation in the olive oil storage shed and told us what he thought about climate change.

We have been slashing back the undergrowth in our "garden". A good Spanish garden is clean - i.e. bare earth between the plants. I am amazed at how much vegetation can be supported by 1000m² of soil. The piles of rakings have spiritual links with that butter mountain, wine lake etc. Superabundance. At least the scorching sun has turned most plants into brown crackly things. The picture is of one of the two piles so far.

It has been warm, around 36ºC maximum most days and a minimum around 22ºC, since we got back. It was cloudy yesterday and we had a thunderstorm and downpour to test our new guttering. It seemed to work.